“Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword.” – Matthew 10:34
Fathers are important. Warriors are important. Warrior Fathers are what we need for such a time as this. The importance of fathers to families and their children cannot be overstated. Statistics consistently support the importance of fathers to familial health and societal health. [1] But there is a “father” who is especially needed. There is a father who has not only a material and psychological import, but an eternal impact. I call such a father A Warrior Father.
While what follows was part of a Father’s Day message it is not a message that should be limited to Father’s Day. This is a message that needs to be shared, known, and lived out all the time everywhere. Please don’t pass this by thinking That’s old news, Father’s Day is past. That is what the enemy of our soul would have us to do. But I believe what follows is something worth taking to heart, for everyone, not just fathers.
If we were to assume that Jesus came to unite people, spouses, families, we would be wrong. There are some things more important than unity. Peace and unity can become idols when they are sought at the expense of obeying God and living out and sharing God’s truth. This striking fact is supported by Jesus Himself when He stated:
Matthew 10:34-39 (NKJV) 34 “Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. 35 For I have come to ‘set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law’; 36 and a man’s enemies will be those of his own household.’ 37 He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. 38 And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. 39 He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it.
On Father’s Day when we celebrate and recognize our fathers with ties, trinkets, and sentimental cards, we only scratch the surface of significance of fatherhood. Seldom will you find a pastor base a Father’s Day message on the words of Jesus, “Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword.” You won’t find those words on Father’s Day cards or party banners. And yet, the context of those words point us to the true value and deeper definition of the fathers we need today, Warrior Fathers.
Before I describe what I mean by a “Warrior Father,” I want to further say, there are also Warrior Mothers, and Warrior Grandfathers and Grandmothers. There are Warrior Men and there are Warrior Women. But for our study we will zero in on what it means to be a Warrior Father. I’ll leave it up to the Holy Spirit and you to apply what follows to whatever circumstance or role of life you are presently in.
What is a “Warrior Father”?
A Warrior Father is more of an old-school-traditional-Bible-believing-God-said-it-that-settles-it type of a father. He’s not a wet-Willy-woke-Millard-milk-toast-wishy-washy-people-pleasing type father. A Warrior Father doesn’t go with the flow as much as he swims against the world’s culture currents. A Warrior Father is a “he” not a “she,” “it,” or “them,” etc. A Warrior Father is a father who above all other objectives, has a passion to please God and disciple his family to know and live their lives for Jesus, and to do that for successive generations.
A Warrior Father is not some harsh Neanderthal. A Warrior Father is strong, but touchable. He will cry, even weep, in the right situations and for the right reasons. A Warrior Father speaks the truth of God according to the Word of God by the power of the Spirit of God. He speaks the truth of God in the love of God. He knows love is the greatest power given by God and he seeks to know it, grow in it, and share it. The Warrior Father is the perfect balance of hard and soft, speaking, even commanding, and listening. The Warrior Father declares his dependence on God by prayer and puts boots on his prayers in obedience to the God he is praying to.
A Warrior Father doesn’t calculate what he says so that he doesn’t make waves. The Warrior Father receives from God what he must say because it is from God and is truthful, full of real truth. The Warrior Father is courageously right living in the Lord. The Warrior Father willingly takes orders from His Lord and follows them through, no matter what. He is willing to stand alone and be that one necessary voice of reason and ultimate truth. He does not shrink at being in the minority but counts it a privilege to be in the ranks of God’s army.
A Warrior Father is the proper balance of honor and humility, grace and grit, love and hate, courage, and compassion. A Warrior Father is clear minded and pure hearted. He is what every father should be, and the objective of what every lesser father hopes to become.
A Warrior Father is willing to sacrifice the temporal to attain the eternal. He is anchored in His Heavenly Father, His only Begotten Son Jesus, the Holy Spirit Helper/Comforter, and the Biblical Gospel of life/cross/blood/and resurrection. The Warrior Father knows he is what he is by the grace of God.
The Warrior Father commands respect, he doesn’t demand respect, and he knows the difference. When the Warrior Father enters a room, the filthy jokes are silenced and the bullying stops. The Warrior Father stands for something and there is no mistaking what it is or Who it is He is standing for, Jesus. The Warrior Father is the perfect balance of cradling children and turning over tables, just like Jesus.
The Warrior Father is the father this world needs. When I use the term “warrior” I mean to refer to someone who is trained for combat and skilled to fight for what is right and most precious in this world. But more importantly the Warrior Father knows what is otherworldly and of eternal worth. They are disciplined and live by a code of conduct. They are honorable and medal worthy. They are modern day knights, samurai, and marines. They have passed their BUDS training – Becoming an Under-rower[2] Disciplined to Save others.
The Warrior Father is on a life mission to make their life count, eternally. Their constant prayer is “Lord make me what I need to be, to do and accomplish what You desire me to do, at any cost, for Your glory, until Jesus returns. That is a Warrior Father. In Jesus’ name Amen!
The Courage and Cost of Being a Warrior Father (vv. 34-36)
“Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. 35 For I have come to ‘set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law’; 36 and a man’s enemies will be those of his own household.’
Standing for the truth can cost you. But not standing for the truth can cost you even more. Given a choice would you rather have a limited relationship with a family member in this temporal life at the expense of truth, or an unlimited eternal relationship with a loved one based on truth? Would you rather settle for a superficial relationship now or enjoy eternity with your loved one? This is uncomfortable to hear when considering fathers or families. But Jesus’ words are part of what being a disciple is all about, especially a disciple who is a father.
Every father knows this tension. The world pulls at your children. Culture tells them one thing, you try to tell them another. And if you are a father who is trying to raise your children in the faith, you already know that loving them well sometimes means they push back. Discipline is not always welcomed. Truth is not always applauded. The father who never creates any friction in his children’s lives is not a warrior father but may simply be a father who never said anything that mattered.
I have been a father since 1989 many moons ago. Over the years I have observed that from birth to around eleven years old children see their parents as superheroes who can do no wrong. But right around puberty fathers and mothers begin to lose the luster in their children’s eyes. Parents become stupider and stupider and less and less of the go-to source for instruction in life. Your children graduate high school, go to college or get a job and they grow into early adulthood. They find a spouse and eventually have children of their own. Then something miraculous takes place. The luster of their parents begins to return as they become parents themselves. They begin to have thoughts like, “Hey, isn’t what I’m telling Joey what Dad used to say to me?” or “Mom used to say to me what I’m saying as a parent now.” They may even think, “Wow! This parenting is hard. How did Dad and Mom do it?” As their family grows our children begin to see the time proven wisdom and truth of what we told them when they were in our homes.
The cycle of life God has ordained is just. There is a kind of fun payback or the piece de resistance, of grandparenting. For the grandparents what was once an exacerbation of calamity in the home is now the wonderful ingredient for fun, sugar. Sugar is the enemy of the parent, but an acceptable option for the grandparent. I find it so much fun to take my grands out for an adventure. And when we are on our day adventures, I love to get them candy and ice cream of all kinds. I know it’s not the healthiest for them, and I am speaking a bit of tongue in cheek here but they’re kids and they can handle it, at least until I bring them back to their parents. I’ve been warned by my children about too much sugar. I accept the correction with a smile and a what-are-you-talking-about look, even with a bit of a sugary twinkle in my eye. Yes, it’s all part of the family cycle. It’s all part of the Warrior Father’s maturing, and immaturity, and learning about the intricacies of family.
Seriously, the truth is, true love speaks the truth in love no matter the outcome. A lesser love will sacrifice truth for temporal comfort. But true love speaks truth aiming at eternal reward. A faithful father is not called to be his children’s best friend. He is called to point them toward something, truth, and Someone greater than himself, Jesus. A Warrior Father speaks the truth and lives it even when it costs him their approval, because a father’s character, respect, love, courageously fights for truth. That is what a Warrior Father does.
The “Love” That Weakens a Warrior Father (v. 37)
Jesus says: “He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me.”
Loving your father more than you love God is idolatry. Some of us grew up with wonderful fathers, and we have unconsciously built our entire image of God around them. Others grew up with broken fathers, and we have unconsciously kept God at arm’s length because we cannot trust a Father figure. Either way, Jesus calls us to let Him redefine fatherhood. If you take your earthly father’s opinion over your Heavenly Father’s words of truth, you have made your father an idol. That’s not good. That is sinful.
Loving your children more than you love God is idolatry. This sounds almost cruel until you realize what it produces. The father who makes his children his highest love will often crush them with expectation, smother them with control, or crumble when they disappoint him. But the father who loves God first is free to love his children well because his identity, his worth, and his joy are not riding on them. You cannot be the Warrior Father your children need if they are your god. Love God first, and your love for them becomes a gift instead of a high-pressured demand.
The Warrior’s Cross (v. 38)
Jesus continues:
“And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me.”
The cross in the historical context of the new Testament was a means of capital punishment by slow, public, humiliating death. The cross is also the means God our Father chose as suitable to atone for the sins of humankind. We might spiritualize or philosophize about the cross, but it was a bloody, painful, merciless means to pay a legal debt of punishment. To God the cross became a suitable means not only to pay the terrible death penalty deserved for sin, but it is the perfect expression of the extreme love God is willing to demonstrate in order to justly deal with our sins (Romans 5:8).
Sin is serious. Sin separates us from God (Isaiah 59:1-2). The seriousness of sin can be seen in the seriousness and pain of the cross of Christ. It was the only just way acceptable to God. It demonstrates the thorniness and hurts of sin, and the height, depth, width, and distance God was willing to go to express His love and accomplish His necessary redemptive plan (Ephesians 3:14-21).
Fatherhood is a cross. The Warrior Father answers Christ’s call to pick up our cross. It is at the cross where the Warrior Father dies to their own agenda. The cross for the Warrior Father is defined by sleepless nights, warm sticky gum on once pristine upholstery, and play when you’d prefer to just lay on the couch. The cross for the Warrior Father is a noisy place where there was once peace, it’s pressing on when you’ve got nothing more in the tank to press on with. The cross is staying when the devil is tempting you to go. It’s loving when your love isn’t reciprocated for years, or even ever. For the Warrior Father, the cross of Christ is where you find strength to continue in the “joy set before Him” (Hebrews 12:1-2).
The cross is also where the “old man” is put to death. The enemy of our souls will always try to discourage and defeat us by bringing up our failures. But don’t let the enemy dig up old man sins that have been laid to rest and buried in Jesus. Remember, “we were buried with Him” by faith in Jesus (Romans 6:1-4). By faith live, “I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me” (Galatians 2:20). When the enemy comes accusing you just hold up the cross and ward him off. Keep the cross between you and him. The cross of Christ is the weapon by which the principalities and powers of the dark unseen realm are disarmed and defeated. The cross is our battle ax to vanquish the enemy as we move forward to victory (Colossians 2:13-15).
The cross is where the Warrior Father learns how to be a father. The cross is where the couch potato father dies. The cross is where we learn about the “fellowship of His sufferings” (Philippians 3:10). It’s not that fathering doesn’t have its joys and happy times. It certainly does. Some of our greatest blessings as a Warrior Father are found in the family times of fathering. But there are times of pain and hurt and suffering. There are times of rebellion, rejection, disobedience by those you are trying to lovingly father. But it’s in those tough times that the Warrior Father learns the most about Jesus. In those tough times he deepens his faith. The cross is where vows and commitments and love are truly understood and truly given meaning. The cross is the door through which all Christians, but especially the Warrior Father must pass, to be made into what they need to be, to do what God calls them to do, for His glory, until Jesus returns.
The Warrior Father’s Paradox of Finding Life (v. 39)
Finally Jesus says:
“He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it.”
This is the crux of the entire passage Jesus spoke. Losing your life is how you find it. If you want to really know what living is about as a Warrior Father, you have to give it to God, you have to lose it to Him. Abundant life is not so much being filled up as it is a willingness to be poured out. O, we must daily and continually be filled with the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 5:18). But before that can happen, we have to empty ourselves of ourselves and make room for the Spirit. The Warrior Father learns that abundant life is not something to be accumulated, it is something assimilated. Self must be exterminated and emptied. Fathering is one of God’s most efficient and effective means of accomplishing this in a life. On the cross our Heavenly Father joined His Son in first emptying and then opening the way for an eternal family to be filled. “God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself” (2 Corinthians 5:19). In life, as a parent, as a Warrior Father, we have what is the closest opportunity to experience what God experienced as we give our lives in order to find them. Jesus said, “It is more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35). He wasn’t simply talking about material stewardship when He said this. He was talking about a much deeper paradoxical and profound truth that he offers to those who would be Warrior Fathers.
The Ultimate Warrior Father
The ultimate Warrior Father is our Heavenly Father. The love of God the Father is not merely soft or sentimental. It is strong enough to send a sword. It is costly enough to give a Son. It is faithful enough to wait on the porch until the prodigal returns (Luke 15:11-32).
In the Old Testament God is described as a Warrior Father:
Zephaniah 3:17 – The LORD your God in your midst, The Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.”
God our Warrior Father is the perfect holy balance of Defender, Discipliner, and tender joyful, loving Father. He holds us tight in the hard times and sings over us. He calls us home with a song. He encourages us to move forward and continue on with a warrior chant. He leads. We Warrior Fathers follow.
In the New Testament it says of God:
John 3:16 – For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.
The crux of what our Heavenly Father models to us about being a Warrior Father, the part that gives definition to His Holy love, is sacrificial giving.
It’s important we see God as our Warrior Father. John 3:16 is a well-known verse. It’s been relegated to evangelistic tracts, and it is probably the singularly most popular verses memorized or at least familiarized by countless people Christians and non-Christians alike. But there is a greater, deeper purpose of such a verse. The Bible says:
Ephesians 5:1-2 (NKJV) 1 Therefore be imitators of God as dear children. 2 And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma.
If God is a Warrior Father, and He is, we are called to be one too.
The Warrior Father’s Creed
I’ll close this study with The Warrior Father’s Creed, a summary of practical ways in which a father can be what a father should be, a Warrior Father. What does a Warrior Father look like? What Creed does he live by? I suggest the following:
- I am a Warrior Father, and I will make every effort to provide for my family – 1 Timothy 5:8 “But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” Warrior Father’s are not deadbeat dads.
- I am a Warrior Father, and I will always choose commitment over convenience – Micah 6:8, “He has told you, O man, what is good… to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God.” Be just. Let tangible kindnesses express the reality of the love God ahs put in you. Be humble. No compromise.
- I am a Warrior Father, and I will maintain vigilance and protect my family – Ephesians 6:10-18, the call to put on the full armor of God and stand firm. Protect your family mentally, physically, and spiritually. Be a shepherd to them. Jesus our Shepherd has a rod and a staff that comforts us. We must have a rod and staff to comfort and protect our family.
- I am a Warrior Father, and I will live a life of integrity at all costs – Proverbs 20:7, “The righteous man walks with integrity; blessed are his children after him.” No cheating. Be honest even though no one is watching. Be a man of character and trustworthiness.
- I am a Warrior Father, and I will be steadfast under trials – James 1:12, “Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life.” Even if I have to stand alone – 1 Peter 3:14, “Even if you should suffer for righteousness’ sake, you will be blessed.” Be an Elijah who was willing to go up against 500 or so false prophets (1 Kings 18). Aim to add your name to Hebrews 11. Remember, what John Knox said when he was standing strong against an overwhelming enemy, “One with God is a majority.”
- I am a Warrior Father, and I will stand on God’s truth preferring necessary division to a false peace – Matthew 10:34-36 Jesus says He came not to bring peace but a sword, even within families. The sword of the Spirit is the word of God (Ephesians 6:18). A Warrior Father is a man of the Word (2 Timothy 3:16-17). Know the Word. Live the Word. Share the Word. Always in love. And encourage others to do the same.
- I am a Warrior Father, and I will trust God and His promises no matter the cost and even if I do not fully understand God’s plan – Abraham didn’t fully understand what God’s plan was when He instructed him offer his son on Mount Moriah (Genesis 22). Little did he know that God what stop him form doing so about would use this chapter in Biblical history to foreshadow the sacrifice of Jesus. Job didn’t fully understand what was happening to him until God later told him (Job). The Apostles and disciples didn’t fully understand what Jesus was doing until He rose from the dead. The Warrior Father learns to trust God even when he doesn’t understand the wisdom and plan of God.
- I am a Warrior Father, and I will rely on the leading and enabling power of the Holy Spirit not my own strength – (John 14-16; Romans 7-8 and 12; 1 Corinthians 12-14). The ONLY way a Warrior Father can be a Warrior Father is with the help of the Holy Spirit.
- I am a Warrior Father, an imitator of God my Father (Ephesians 5:1-2), and I will always submit to Jesus my Head – Jesus is our Commander (Joshua 5:13-15). Jesus is our Head (Colossians 1).
- I am a Warrior Father, and I will endure to the end – The Warrior Father understands they are who they are by the grace of God (1 Corinthians 15:10; 2 Corinthians 12:8-10). And because of God’s grace and its sufficiency they will finish well and be able to say with Paul, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.” (2 Timothy 4:7).
That is what a Warrior, a Warrior Father like. That is what a Warrior Father lives by. One final point is that the Warrior Father knows their life will only be what it is supposed to be by a daily moment by moment declaration of dependence on God in prayer. Prayer is the long-range artillery in the spiritual war in which we serve as Warrior Fathers. So it is fitting to challenge you now and ask, “What kind of father will you be?” It is fitting for all of us to consider, “What kind of a warrior will I be before God?” And it is fitting for us to end in prayer saying:
Father, my Warrior Father, thank You for all You are to me. I come to You in Jesus’ name admitting I am not the father or Christian I should be. I often fall short. I ask Your forgiveness and receive it as a gift of Your grace through faith in Jesus. Jesus, help me to live out Your words. Holy Spirit enlighten me, empower me, lead me. Father in Jesus’ name, by the power of the Holy Spirit, please make me what I need to be, to do what You call me to do, for Your glory, until Jesus returns. In Jesus name. Amen!
[1] https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/06/15/key-facts-about-dads-in-the-us/
[2] Greek hyperetes one who rows under. This was the lowest position of a ship powered by human rowers below deck. Paul referred to himself and the other Apostles with this term meaning they were out of sight being used and directed by Jesus to move the ship of the Church. See 1 Corinthians 4:1; Acts 26:16; Luke 1:2.